


we have inhibitions, but we never listen

by humanluke



Series: 5sos prompts [19]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29448825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanluke/pseuds/humanluke
Summary: luke doesn't want to be hurt again.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin
Series: 5sos prompts [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2019475
Kudos: 2





	we have inhibitions, but we never listen

It feels like they’ve been sitting like this for hours now, just the two of them. It’s quiet between them, because they aren’t sure where to go from here. They’ve broken all the rules that they had set between them, smashed them to oblivion when Ashton pulled Luke into his hotel room and kissed him for the second time this week.

So now they sit quietly on the hotel bed, half dressed and unsure of where to go from here. Luke is reserved, hands on his lap and eyes cast down, like he can’t bring himself to look over at Ashton. Almost as if he’s ashamed or something. You could cut the tension between them with a knife -- there weren’t any regrets hanging, but there was… something.

“So,” Ashton starts softly, and the sound of his voice cutting through the silence spooks Luke a little bit, jumping out of his skin. Ashton chuckles softly, a hand sliding over to rest on Luke’s shoulder. “Sorry, didn’t mean to jump you…” Luke shrugs his hand off of his shoulder, and Ashton pretends to not be hurt by it.

“So,” Luke replies after a beat. His eyes are still focused on his hands, unable to bring himself to look at Ashton. To come to terms with what they have done. When he closes his eyes, all he can think of is how right it all felt, being with Ashton. But his body feels off somehow, something about the whole situation pulling him off kilter.

“Did you want to… talk about it?” Ashton says, gesturing between the two of them. For his own benefit, really, since he didn’t seem to be paying much attention. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to but… it might help… clear the air a little bit?” He means it as a statement but it comes out with a question mark at the end. There’s so much uncertainty between them right now and Ashton just wants to know how to proceed.

“What’s there to talk about?” Luke’s head finally pops up, looking over at Ashton. His whole expression is blank, save for his eyes, the blue irises swimming with sadness. He’s looked like that for longer than Ashton would like. He knew things had been rocky between them for a while, but he was trying to help. He was trying to help. “You and I both know that we can’t keep doing this, Ashton. All it does is hurt me.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you, Luke,” he says with a shake of his head. “I’m sorry if it seems that way, if my impulse control made you think that this is a one note thing, but it’s not, and it never will be. I don’t want it to be, at least.” His voice drops off a little bit at the end, and he bites his bottom lip into his mouth. Luke’s face doesn’t falter as he looks at Ashton, not allowing his carefully crafted mask to crack.

“You have though,” he says softly. “Pulling me in here, pulling me into your little world and trying to make me forget everything that’s ever happened to me, trying to get me to think that this can happen, this can be real…” His voice cracks a little bit as he looks him over, clearing his throat to hide any evidence of his emotions.

“Luke, I want the same thing you want,” he says softly. “At least, I think I do. Can’t that be enough?” Luke’s hands slide through his blond curls, and he lets out a soft sigh. He’s trembling slightly, Ashton notices, but he doesn’t bring attention to it. He wants to keep Luke comfortable.

“The thing is,” he says, his words breathless, as if they’re struggling to surface, “I look at you, and I… I feel so sad because I love you, but I also have been hurt so many times that I don’t think I can forgive and forget.” His voice cracks more fully this time, his mask starting to slip finally. Ashton watches as the walls tumble down, and the tears start to pool in those blues. “You’ve played with my heart before, Ash, I can’t… I can’t do that again.”

Ashton scoots closer to him, cooing a little as he gathers him into his arms. He looks so small, so fragile in this state that he’s afraid he could break under the tiniest bit of pressure. His hands are gentle on his back, and Luke just crumbles beneath his touch, burying his face into the crook of his neck. No matter what, Ashton has always been Luke’s safe space. Even when everything was falling apart, even when he’d been the one to tear him down, he was there to put the pieces back into place.

“I’m not going to hurt you anymore, Luke,” he says softly. “I let you down, I watched you get taken apart by someone else because of my carelessness. That was my fault. And I carry that with me every day. I want to be here for you, I want to be the person you love and who loves you back. If you want me to be.” Luke’s tears slow after a few moments, pulling back as he looks up at Ashton. He feels like a mess, he feels useless and broken, but Ashton still wanted him. Ashton still wanted to help put him back on his feet. He swallows, wiping tears from his face with the heels of his hands. Ashton wipes a stray one from his cheek with his thumb before pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead.

“You promise?” Luke asks, his voice so small it was almost unbelievable that it came from such a man. Ashton just nods in agreement, and he presses his face back into his neck, sighing in relief as he relaxes his guard again.

Because no matter what, Ashton will be there to pick up the pieces. No matter who was responsible for them.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](http://cakelftv.tumblr.com)!


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